Q:The first time I felt the urge for sex, I used “fingering” and found it exciting. Now it has become a habit. However, I never experienced bleeding. Is this normal? Have I lost my virginity?

I want to stop this habit. “Nandidiri na ako sa aking sarili” (I feel so Dirty). Memorizing Bible passages doesn’t seem to help.

A:Virginity “is a state or quality of not having experienced any sexual intercourse. “However, virginity is a lot more than an intact hymen. Strenuous activities may stretch or rupture a girl’s hymen, but this does not necessarily mean that she has lost her virginity.

In fingering, it depends upon how deep the finger penetration had been. See a trusted doctor for check-up. For your peace of mind.

Normally, teenage girls go through this stage. However, it this has become a habit, it’s not normal anymore.

Habits are hard to break. But “you have no obligations whatsoever to your old nature to do what it begs you to do. For it through the power of the Holy Spirit you crush it and its evil deeds, you live” (Romans 8:12, 13, Living Bible).

God understands your guilty feelings. Talk to Him. The result of your determination to cut off the habit may not be immediate, but His help is sure.

Q: I’m 18, a male, and in love with my intelligent and handsome male roommate. He’s unaware about this. Should I tell him about my feelings? I’m afraid of losing him and his respect.

A: If heterosexual men can control their urges over women, so can homosexuals toward other males.

Unless you are ultra careful, sooner or later he’ll know about your suppressed feelings. Your actions may be louder than your words.

If he’s not a gay like you, don’t tell him your feelings. His life plan surely doesn’t include a male life partner. Find another boarding house. Avoid all possible contact with him. This will help you focus on other things. Hone your hidden talents to keep you busy. Join clubs. Read good books. Above all ask God’s help.

Love is sometimes unreasonable, but don’t let it ruin your life. Instead let it work to your advantage.

Until now the “homosexuality” issue has yet to be resolved. But God has promised that if you commit yourself to Him and ask His forgiveness and determine to overcome your weakness, He will help you and accept you (1 Corinthians 6:11).

Q:

I am 23 years old and have been suffering from low back pain now and then for three years now. My problem has been diagnosed as sciatica or herniated disk. I used to be a construction worker. I have been prescribed medications but they don’t seem to work. I am planning to work abroad and I’m wondering whether this illness will affect my working abilities. What treatment would you suggest?

A:

Sciatica is characterized by low pain radiating down the buttocks and below the knee. This is due to a herniated or protruding intervertebral disk causing nerve root irritation. The most important elements in managing this problem consist of rest, pain relief and patient education. A two-day bed rest is very effective, but for some, it may take seven days to relieve the pain. Pain relief can be provided by non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, such as aspirin or mefenamic acid. You learn how to protect your back from heavy objects, to use legs rather than the back when lifting, to use a chair with arm rests, and to get up from bed by first rolling to one side and then using the arms to push to an upright position (see box). Surgery will be needed for this condition if there is direct evidence from x-ray procedures, a consistent weakness or neurologic deficit.

Q:

I’m 21, he’s 30. We’ve been steady the past three years. He promised marriage, but after two years pa daw. Will I wait?

However, I’ve never been introduced to his family. He also has a child with a woman who works at a big department store in Pangasinan. I confronted him about it. He made a confession, asked forgiveness, and suggested that we get the child. I refused.

We engage in premarital sex. For protection, I use contraceptive pills. I told him to get me pregnant, but he said it’s not the right time yet. Does this mean he does not love me?

A:

Be thankful your boyfriend refused to get you pregnant. And this is not just mere question of whether he loves you or not.

Remember, he got another girl pregnant, but did not marry her. We’d never know what unfulfilled promises he also made to that girl. You wouldn’t like that to happen to you. Would you? And he’s right-the only right and legal time for you to get pregnant is after marriage.

Now with premarital sex. God intended sex to be enjoyed within the context of marriage. Most men today still want to marry virgins who are not “soiled” or “secondhand goods.” Psychologists believe boys still classify girls as bad or good depending on their virginity. And with the now-rampant AIDS disease, who knows you’d be the next victim? When you sleep with a man, you may be actually sleeping with his previous sexual partners.

Learn to say No! Before you get pregnant. Using contraceptive pills is not 100 percent safe. The best contraceptive against pregnancy is abstinence.

Is he worth the wait? You should first make clear your doubts:

Why does he not introduce you to his family? What are his plans for his child? Are you sure he really loves you and will marry you in two years’ time?

If you find it difficult to resolve you problem, look up to God and claim this promise, “You [God] are my refuge and shield, and your promises are my only source of hope” (Psalm 119:114, Living Bible).

Q:

My boyfriend and I love each other very much. But our religious stands in the way. He belongs to one faith, I to another. And we each expect not to turn our back on each one’s religion. We’re also aware of the problems that will come should we continue our relationship. He she’s their home’s always on fire whenever religion is talked about because his parents are of different religions. He even said that it is better to lose a good mate than to end up with bad fate. What shall I do?

A:

It’s never God’s ideal to consent to marriages between people of mixed religious persuasions. The bible has many cases of the consequences of such marriages that brought anguish and grief. And yes, my dear, this is happening today.

There’s a world of difference between marrying one of your faith and one out of it. This includes, among others, doing thing without your spouse such as attending church, holding family workshop, participating in religious and social meetings. And there’d be different option too in food, discipline, values and principles.

The real loser here will be you and your children to be. They’ll be confuse whom to follow. They’d be forced to choose between your religion or his. They’d wonder why one spouse is always absent. How would you explain such situations? In most cases, they’d likely follow the path of least resistance – where the rules are easier.

Your boyfriend’s testimony is more than enough for you to rethink your relationship and eventually marriage.

Ask God’s guidance as you ponder upon the step you’ll make. He’s ever wiling to help you. His promise in Proverbs 2:6-10 says that He’ll grant you wisdom if you ask Him. He’ll show you how to distinguish right from wrong, how to find the right decision every time. Claim this promise.

Q:

I’ve been living in with a man for more than two years already. This setup brought disgrace to my family especially to my father who is a priest. But neither was nor blessed with children.

Each time I bring up the marriage issue with him, he gives all the alibis he can think of.

Many people said I wasted my life because of this man. He has a job while I still have to finish my studies. I used to receive financial help as a government scholar, but it was cut off because I kept on changing courses. I also worked with an NGO and wrote for a local paper. All these I give up so I could take care of him. Yet he won’t even give me descent marriage.

Yes, we continue to have sexual relations. But I now want to leave him. My parents don’t want to intervene. They say that as an adult I should know what to do. Please help.

A:

If you aren’t currently staying with your family you may choose to go back and live with him. Enlist the support in helping you avoid seeing your live-in partner.

If your living with them, how about trying to seek employment or continuing your studies far from your home? And yes, keep sexual intimacy out of your relationship. This is an area of a relationship that makes it very difficult for a lady to simply walk out and close the door on a relationship. Keep distance from him, the lesser to see him, chances are you’d more likely forget him in due time.

Ponder upon what lies ahead you should continue this illicit relationship. You’re just a mistress; your child (should you have one) will be illegitimate unless he marries you.

Proverbs 6:20-24 talks about your parents’ pieces of advice as beams of light directing you to a good life. Take this counsel to heart.

I believe your parents’ heart bleed for you. Don’t hesitate to approach them. They won’t turn you away.

Q:

I’m 16, in junior high, and really, really fat. My best friend always tells me to diet and do exercises. I do all these but nothing happened. It hurt to hear people say remarks like “pinabayaan sa kusina” (Left  in the Kitchen), or “baboy” (Pig) How can I be slim and trim.

A:

Heredity, overeating, and a sedentary life can factors leading to obesity. Whatever the reason, it’s vital to put a check to your flattening problem.
He’re are some tips I’d like share with you. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Limit your rice intake to a cup. Avoid fatty and junk foods, high calorie-drinks and sweets. Don’t miss meal, just eat regularly.

Q:

I’m in 18 and in third year college. My problem is about my family name. I’m almost always having embarrassing moments due to this. I’d hear smother laughter—even guffaws—whenever I am being introduced. This makes me hesitant to participate in any activity or accept invitations that need name introduction. I also feel some guys get turn off as soon as they hear my name.

What shall I do when graduation time comes or when I would apply for a job? I’m certain I’d encounter embarrassing moments again.

Rx:

Be glad you’re a lady and won’t have to contend with this problem forever. And you’re not alone. Some family names are even more funny-sounding and have more unpleasant meaning than yours. But this is one reality you have to content with. How react to embarrassing situations will either neutralize or worsen the situation.

I believe that despite your family name’s negative connotation, you have many friends. They love you as you are. You mom surely loves your dad despite the family name.

Ask the rest of your family members’ secret weapons against negative reaction to your family name. Ask your sibling’s sweetheart whether he or she isn’t bother by the family name. You’d be amazed of the answers.

When you’re formally introduced, kindly tell the emcee that you’d prefer to introduce by your first name only. In informal ones, there would be many who’d understand. Where there’s reaction, just pretend you as aren’t hear anything.

One of your consolations comes when you get married. It may still be years from now but by then you could assume your husband’s surname.

Another option is to go to court for a change of appellation. But then this will incur financial expenses and has drawbacks, too.

Meanwhile stay as sweet as you are. Do well in your studies. People will be more concerned with your performance that with your family name. And there would be a special guy who’ll see the real you and marry you. Despite your family name.

Remember, “a good name [reputation] is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold” (Proverbs 22:1, NIV).

Q:

Daddy is smoking since he was a teenager. Aware of the habit’s evil effects, I am concern about his health. I don’t want him to catch any smoking related disease. How can I help stop his nasty habit?

A:

Create an opportunity for dialog with him. A casual talk may eventually lead to your sharing opinions on the evil effects of smoking of both body and mind. Let him see the value of switching to other alternative activities.

Have magazines on smoking’s evil effects around the house. One way or another dad will read one.

Talk casually with your mom or friends within your dad’s hearing range about expenses smoking occurs. Or the smell it leaves around the house. Or the fate that befall people who smoke. Hopefully your Dad will pick up the signal.

The habit of smoking is very difficult to lick. There would be withdrawals, relapses. Hence the importance of your family’s support, understanding and help.

Romans 8:37 says, “In all things, we are more than conquerors through who loves us.” Yes, God can help your Dad overcome his craving for smoking. If he wants to.

Q:

My University instructor-sweetheart proposed marriage to be performed by a judge before he leaves to Manila. However, both our parents are against our relationship. What shall I do?

Another thing, we had sex already. Could I have some articles on how not to get pregnant? What shall I do so I won’t get pregnant?

A:

You made no mention about both your ages, length of relationship, reason why both parents are against your relationship, why he’s going to Manila, why the rust to get married. Hence, my answer is general.

Find out the reason(s) why your and his parents are against your relationship and work toward winning their hearts. An honest, tactful, heart-to-heart talk with them can be a good start.

If your 18 years old or above, the law does not prohibit you from marrying him. (However, the approval and blessing of both parents are as important as the legalization of a relationship. ) Otherwise, I suggest that you shelve marriage first. Don’t worry it can wait.

How not to get pregnant while unmarried. Never engage in any sexual contact with the opposite sex. No amount of precaution—use of condom or birth-control pills or natural method (withdrawal or rhythm)—could guarantee you’d never get pregnant. The Bible says, “Do not be deceived. No one can fool God. Whatever a man sows, that’s what he will reap” (Galatians 6:7, The Clear World).

Premarital sex is an open invitation to unwanted pregnancy, guilt, shattered relationship, doubt on parent’s integrity and diminished self-respect and self-confidence.